In this episode of Bulletproof Radio, my guest Jon Levy shares that the greatest predictors of longevity are close social ties and how much you feel like a part of a community.
Jon is a behavioral scientist who researches human connection, trust and influence. He can teach you how to build your own communities and in turn, grow your influence exponentially. He’s done it himself by creating a private community of more than 2,000 industry leaders including Nobel laureates, Olympians, celebrities, executives, royalty, and more.
“If I wanted to accomplish things like being healthy, happy and successful, the most important thing I could do is figure out how to connect with extraordinary people and also connect them with each other. So, I needed to figure out ‘how do I hack connection?’” says Jon. “How do I hack trust and how do we use that to create a positive impact?”
In order to create connections in a new relationship, you have to start by building trust. Jon’s research found that trust is made up of three pillars: competence, honesty/integrity and benevolence. There are ways to use these three pillars to build really meaningful relationships with people you’ve just met. Jon says these new relationships you build directly relate to your level of influence.
“Our influence is a by-product of who we’re connected to, how much they trust us, and the sense of community that we share. So, if it starts with connecting with people, it starts with an invitation,” Jon says.
In his new book “You’re Invited: The Art and Science of Cultivating Interest,” you’ll learn how an invitation can be the beginning of a new relationship. Jon’s research also looks at topics like how to build relationships in families and the pandemic workplace to the trust-building ideas of door-to-door knives salesmen.
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Follow Along with the Transcript
Book: “You’re Invited: The Art and Science of Cultivating Influence”
Bulletproof Radio: Using Behavioral Science To Become Successful – Jon Levy – #395
- I got this weird email saying, “Dave, you should come and have dinner with people you don’t know.” – 1:50
- The magic of anything I can do is a by-product of the relationships I create between other people. – 4:38
- What have you changed in your life because of the pandemic so that you still have community. – 6:35
- If you’re scared of saying anything that’s unpopular, then we’re never going to get to a better idea. – 11:17
- So how do you go about building trust? – 13:04
- I lied to you for benevolent reasons, which is I had your best interests at heart. So we’re more willing to forgive that, especially if it’s for a temporary joke or something like that. – 16:26
- It’s called the IKEA effect. It states that we disproportionately care about our IKEA furniture because we had to assemble it. – 20:55
- Mostly people trust others due to what’s called the halo effect. So I trust your friends because I trust you. – 25:39
- The other is influence. And I know this might sound a little weird, but if I’m at a concert, I can boo, I can scream, I can shout, I can dance. I have an impact on the people around me. – 32:31
- My argument is that our influence is a by-product of who we’re connected to, how much they trust us, and the sense of community that we share. – 35:47
- Every time a vulnerability loop is created and closed, oxytocin is likely released at a higher level. It’s that any pro-social behavior really accomplishes that. – 38:55
- Lieberman’s brilliant. One of the things he studied was social pain, like isolation or being made fun of, things like that. He created the dumbest game I’ve ever heard of. It’s called Cyberball. – 40:06
- It’s really hard to build trust when you’re just randomly knocking on people’s doors. And they said, “Maybe we could figure out a way to get people to trust us ahead of time. – 51:13
- All the wanted posters showed pictures of it, we were exposed to it more often. As a by-product, we trusted it or we liked it. So this mere exposure effect affects us so much. – 56:16
- What we found though is weird. We found that if you have the same initials, you’re 11.3% more likely to date. – 58:34
- I think families are really complex. But I think first of all, we can have influence on each other in a really meaningful way because we opt in. – 59:12
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